Hack Accountability with Friends

The benefits of a Mutual Accountability Team and its profound impact on reaching my professional and personal goals.

This article is dedicated to Mike Sands, our founder, motivator, and supporter, and to my MAT Tribe past and present, Lindsay, Jeremy, Taralynn, and Logan. Thank you for your support, inspiration, and motivation.

Bad habits I formed during Covid…

• Tequila Tuesdays (ok, and Wednesdays)
• Athleisure-wear. Every day.
• Talking to myself. A lot.

Good habits I formed during Covid…

• A twice-weekly meeting with my MAT group.

MAT is short for Mutual Accountability Team. A MAT is a small cohort of people (usually 3–6) that connect regularly to ensure members are working towards their personal and professional goals. Half therapy circle, half professional support group, my personal MAT covers topics as wide-ranging as increasing personal net worth to having better oral hygiene habits. The ultimate purpose is for each member to reach goals unique and important to them.

In reflecting on what I’ve gotten out of my MAT experience, I was surprised at how much it exceeded my expectations. Professionally, my MAT Tribe has supported me as I took on a role at Stripe (an entirely new industry), and acted as a sounding board to help work through some serious imposter syndrome. On a personal front, the team pushed me to put myself out there in a way I would not have before joining the group. The MAT has supported me as I conquered fitness goals, career objectives, and helped me find my writing voice to publish articles about working motherhood, and what it’s like to parent a neuro-diverse child.

Beyond all of that, I’ve made a deeper connection with my team that transcends “former co-workers”. I can tell them anything, and I know I have a built-in brain trust for solid advice. I don’t know what you call that relationship, but it’s pretty damned cool.

As a group, the team has supported achievements large and small. Here is just a sampling of what the group has helped drive this year:

-8 new jobs

-1 net worth grown 40% over 1 year

-4 articles published

-3 cross country and 3 international trips planned and done

-1 wedding planned and successfully held

-1 career shift

-a 50% increase in books read

-3 waves of pandemic survived thus far

How it Started:

I was inspired to join a MAT group on a warm Spring day in 2020 when I met up for coffee in NYC with a former colleague, Mike Sands. He mentioned he recently created a MAT group and asked if I’d be interested in joining. This particular group was composed of some former colleagues and others from various areas of Mike’s personal and professional life.

The idea of teaming up with people I respect to help me accomplish life goals and unblock some serious self-confidence issues sounded great, and I also thought I might be good at helping others do the same for themselves. Moreover, the idea of a group centered on a zero judgment environment helped me get past the concern of sharing some deeply personal hurdles.

Mike talked about feeling isolated in the pandemic, unfocused, and helpless in a world where there was so much chaos. Knowing that wasn’t the case and feeling that wasn’t the case were two different things.

He was spot on. Everyone I speak to during the pandemic has, at one point, felt that visceral sense struggling to keep some semblance of order in their life.

What it’s Done:

I’m not alone in what I’ve gotten out of this group. I recently asked my fellow MAT members to also reflect on why they joined and what they’ve gotten out of the group so far:

From Lindsay, “I joined our accountability group for a couple reasons:

(1) I had read about them in a book I really loved (Designing your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans).

(2) I was experiencing an unresolvable pandemic ennui that prevented me from getting basic tasks done.

(3) And beyond that…I wanted the kind of personal growth that only comes with setting goals and sticking with them. Turns out, that’s best achieved by committing to other people that you’re going to hit those goals and by cheering each other on as you create and refine your life.”

Our accountability group has helped me feel like I’m actually doing things — big, monumental things like picking up new skills, solving lingering problems, and taking good care of myself.

From Jeremy, “The change has been subtle but significant. I’ve started thinking bigger and acting bolder. This group is in large part why I’ve changed jobs twice and in less than 24 months am now making 30% more than I was before the pandemic with an additional dream side hustle doing something I love.”

From Taralynn, “I joined our accountability group because I was struggling to take care of myself while unemployed during the pandemic. The consistent support I received in our sessions helped me establish a better relationship with myself in hard times, and allowed me to push the boundaries on more ambitious goal-setting. Having a close community where everyone wants to see each other succeed has been a blessing.”

How to do it:

For those that find the idea of a MAT something they want to pursue, here is how my team operates, but by no means is this the only way to do this. This is simply what we do, and I’m sure there are other ways to do this successfully, so I encourage you to be creative!

• We have a name: We call our group MAT Morning Coffee because we meet at 8:45 a.m. on Mondays and Fridays.
• We have a charter: We wrote this to ensure alignment on the goals and how we operate. Here is a template based on our MAT group’s one for anyone interested in starting their own group!
• We have a leader: We voluntold nominated a team member to act as team captain, which means facilitating meetings and ensuring our long-term goals are revisited regularly.
• We stick to the rules: We established a few basic ones in our charter:

-Turn your camera on during meetings

-Share progress/works in progress

-Start and end on time

-Be supportive and present for the group

• We understand the importance of “focus time”: We all signed up for an app called Forest, which lets you set time on your phone to focus on a task, and if you turn it off or leave the app, you kill virtual trees. Brutal, but effective. You may know this as the Pomodoro Method, with some extra accountability thrown in. So if someone wants to spend some focus time, we post “who wants to plant (or kill) some trees?” in our Slack channel, set up a session, and collectively “focus” on whatever it is we need to get done.
• It’s all about the goals: We create individual quarterly and annual goals for ourselves with a list of things we need to do to accomplish those goals. Then each week, our team meets Monday and Friday morning for 15 minutes — on Mondays, we share our “commits” or goals for the week, and on Fridays, we reflect on progress. Each quarter we reflect on our goals, what we achieved, what we didn’t, and what we want to accomplish in the upcoming quarter. Oh, and we also have fun.

My 2022 goals and weekly commits tracker

I am wrapping this article a day after accomplishing one of my big 2021 goals, finishing 100 spin class rides. So, it seemed fitting to round out the year by completing another goal to actually publish this article. Next week I will start building my 2022 goals, which will entail a move out of my beloved New York City, upping my workout and nutrition goals, and advancing my impact at Stripe. There will be ups and downs, but I know my MAT group will be there as a sounding board and support system as I navigate through it all.